I do a Bible study each week with a group of the 14 to 16 year olds on sexual purity. The group’s been kind of dwindling, with some guys leaving the home and others getting busy with homework now that school’s back in. Tonight there were only two guys there. But that was okay, because they were two of my favourite guys. Two guys who are growing amazingly in their relationships with God.
Which made tonight a bit of a surprise…
We were talking about how far is “too far” physically. The book we’re studying was talking about how we should look to Jesus as our example. They had a little chart with a list of actions (holding hands…kissing…etc.) and then when these things should happen (first date… dating… engaged… married). I almost skipped it because it seemed a bit beneath the level I figured these guys were at. Keep in mind that these guys are strong, committed Christian guys.
Anyhow…first we talked about Jesus…
“What do you think…would Jesus hold a girl’s hand on the first date?”
“No hermano (brother)!”
“What about the second date?”
“No hermano!”
“If He was dating the girl?”
“No hermano!”
I was starting to get curious as to just when exactly they thought it was okay to hold a girl’s hand.
“What about if He was married?”
“No hermano!”
“If He was married, you don’t think He’d hold his wife’s hand?!”
“No hermano no!”
It was at that point that I kind of realized that we were obviously not on the same page here. So I backed up and came at it again. I explained everything over again and then suddenly I saw the lights come on in one kid’s eyes and he explained it to the other one. They thought I had been asking what Jesus actually did when He was here on earth. I think they thought I was a bit of a heretic and they were starting to get worried that I was suggesting Jesus had a girlfriend and/or wife. =) Granted my Spanish is a bit off at times, but I think the other problem was that the guys don’t do great with hypothetical situations. They’re very concrete, black and white kind of guys.
So I decided we should just skip to what they thought was okay.
“So when is it okay to kiss a girl? The first date?”
One guy said no, but the other guy thought that maybe it was okay…depending on the situation. I was curious. So I pressed for more details. I found out that it was okay to kiss her, if the date went well and she talked to you. Okay then.
The other guy thought it was okay to kiss her on the second date.
Then the book asked when it was okay to “explore each other’s body”. Delicately put I thought. They had no clue what that was talking about. So I had to explain in slightly more graphic terms…and pantomime a couple of things. Ah…they were both in full agreement…this was okay on the second date.
And sex? You’ll be happy to know, that was off limits until they got married. Oh good…they’d been listening. So I asked how long they thought they would be dating their girlfriends before getting married. Three years said one…four said the other…
“So then…let me get this straight….you think you can do all this stuff and go right up to the line…and then wait three or four years before actually having sex?”
“Yes hermano!”
I told them they’d be lucky to make it three weeks and that “Ken” would be a good name for their respective babies…
It’s interesting sometimes, the levels of understanding and knowledge the guys have. Ask them to quote you a particular Bible verse and they have no problem. Ask them how they would apply that verse to their lives and many times all you get is a blank stare. For sure they wouldn’t have sex before they got married. But everything else? Second date.
I’m definitely learning that I can’t make assumptions here. I forget sometimes, where these guys are coming from. These two are good guys and they want to do what’s right. I know that neither of them were sexually active on the streets. I wasn’t sure a study on sexual purity was what they needed.
Now however…I believe we’ll continue on…