Okay, new rule. When you don’t understand what the waitress is saying, don’t randomly order something anyhow. I thought I was getting beef. I guess it was an organ of some, if that counts. Maybe it was from a cow…

Well, this has been the week for tears. For those of you who know me well, you understand how well I do with tears. Actually, other people’s tears are fine. But when I get sucked into that whole emotional roller coaster….then we’ve got problems. =)

It started when I took some of the boys up to visit their families in another city here in Bolivia, Camiri. Andres and Jose Manuel (brothers), their two sisters (who live in another home) and the social worker from that home (along with the her son), and another fellow, Allan, all piled into my truck and off we went.

The weekend was great. I took the guys (along with Allan’s two brothers who live with his mom) 4-wheeling in the truck. None of them had ever done that before, so when we put it in four wheel drive and went motoring across the river, they were all duly impressed. =) Knocking the exhaust loose on the truck was really just an added bonus. That night when we went out for pizza, I had the chance to talk with Andres about his life and his relationship with God. That was the first time I’d ever heard Andres open up and talked about his past. His father left when he was nine, leaving his mom to raise him and his five other siblings. Then in 2004 his mom died unexpectedly at a young age. Andres wasn’t living at home anymore at that point so it was a couple of months before he knew about her death. It wasn’t until he went home to visit, that his grandmother told him. His grandmother tried to take care of all three girls, but it was two much for her and the two older girls ended up in a home. Soon after, Andres, and then Jose Manuel, showed up at Nacer (our home). Their older brother got married and started a family of his own. And, of course, the father never turned up again. His dad leaving and then his mom dying has left a huge hole in Andres. He struggles a lot with anger and trying to understand why this all happened. He really wants to have a good relationship with God, but I think trying to move past this has been difficult for him.

On Sunday afternoon I took the kids and their grandmother to visit the cemetery where their mom is buried. It’s different here than it is in Canada. People are buried in crypts rather than in the ground. As we walked, we passed some of the crypts of the richer families in town. They’re beautiful, almost like small churches. Eventually we arrive at the area where the poor people are buried. The crypts are stacked one on top of another and the area is dirty and unkept. Only a simple stencil of her name marked the grave. As soon as they saw the grave, all four kids started to cry. The youngest girl, who still lives with her, didn’t really understand what was going on. She was only a baby when her mom died so she doesn’t remember her. She just played and occasionally stopped to watch the other four.

Andres, who is 16, knelt in front of his mom’s grave, his head down and his shoulders shaking. Jose Manuel stood with his arms around the older of his sisters, while the younger one knelt down beside Andres. She’s only eight, so I’m not sure how much she remembers either, but the four of them cried for ten or fifteen minutes. Then I asked Andres if it was okay if we went and bought flowers for his mom. As we walked, I put my arm around his shoulder and told him it was okay. He put his arm around me so tight it was a bit hard to breath…and/or walk. =) He hung on like that was all that was keeping him standing. One great thing here is that flowers are cheap, so we were able to buy a big flower arrangement and then a smaller bundle of roses. We cleaned up the area around her grave and put the flowers in front of the crypt. It looked nice when we were done, and it gave Andres something tangible to do, which I think he needed.

Later that night as I drove back to Santa Cruz, I started thinking about the day. I realized that any time I’ve ever experienced a death or loss, I’ve always had this huge circle of extended family and friends around me for support and to go through the experience with me. Seeing Andres, this young guy of only 16, kneeling and crying alone in front of his mother’s grave, I realized that everyone deserves to have someone to put their arm around you and tell you that it’s going to be okay. It seems strange that it never really occurred to me that so many people don’t have that. First it made me thankful for what God’s given me, and then, in the midst of some of the struggles and frustrations that I sometimes have down here, it made me realize once again why God has called me here. My Spanish sucks and most of the time I’m not entirely sure what’s going on around me, but I can put my arm around a kid and tell him that it’s going to be okay.

It’s late, and I’m tired and probably a bit overly emotional =) as I write this, but I need to tell you one more story before I take off. Monday as I arrived at the home, Miguel took me aside and told me some news. One of the fellows, David (who I’ve written about before and asked you to pray for) had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. This was maybe not that surprising, but it was still sad. David is one of my favourite guys at the home. Even though he’s gifted and well liked, he has a huge struggle with self image and believing that he has any value or self- worth. He grew up without any family and for the first few years at the home, he cried himself to sleep at night he was so lonely. He doesn’t believe that anyone would ever care for him or love him unconditionally.

Which brings us to why he was dating this girl. Even though he knew the relationship was not healthy or what God wanted for him, he couldn’t bring himself to leave her. He didn’t believe that anyone else could love him. Obviously David bears responsibility for what happened as well, but his girlfriend goaded him into becoming sexually active by calling him names and mocking him for not wanting to. Trust me…I’m struggling with my attitude towards her through all of this. The social worker and I took her to the doctor yesterday to make sure everything was okay, and I was nice…but it took everything I’ve got. =)

At any rate, as I was praying about this, and trying to decide how to approach David, I really felt that God was telling me to give him a hug. Now again…for those of you who know me…I’m not really the hugging type. =) But…there wasn’t really anyone else and I kind of wondered if maybe that’s what he needed. Honestly, I wasn’t really sure how this was going to go. So I went into his dorm room and he was there by himself getting something out of his little cupboard. He shook my hand and gave me a funny look like he wasn’t sure if I knew or not. He hesitated for a minute then stood up. I hesitated for a minute as well (yea…we’re guys) and then I gave him a big hug. I could tell that he wasn’t sure what to do for a second, but then he just broke down started sobbing. You have to understand that these guys are street kids…and they don’t cry. So this was a big deal. He just kept saying, “Forgive me…forgive me.”

We talked for a bit and I assured him that we would be friends no matter what. I also wanted to make sure that he understood that God had forgiven him and loved him, and that nothing could change the fact that he was a son of God. After a while we walked over to the chapel of the camp next door and talked for a couple of hours. Once he calmed down a bit I turned to him and said, “Wow…a baby.” David just shook his head and said, “Yea.” I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Hermano (Brother) haven’t you ever studied biology in school?” He said, “Yea, last year.” I was like, “Did you pass?” That got a bit of a smile, “No…”

Of course some of the prayer requests I have are a bit obvious. First, please pray for Andres and Jose Manuel. I didn’t say much about Jose Manuel, but he’s got some pretty significant issues in his life as well, as a result of what’s happened to him. I see Andres as one of the more gifted and solid guys here at the home. He has an incredible amount of potential if he can find healing and move past what’s happened in his past.

David is in a pretty vulnerable place right now, and he’s listening intently. (Now he decides to listen!) He wants to have a good relationship with God, but there’s a lot he doesn’t understand. Which is fine…that’s a part of life. I really believe that God can use this time to bring healing and peace to him. That’s not something he’s ever experienced before. The challenge will come when things calm down and life goes back to normal (as much as it can).

I know that David has a responsibility to this girl and the child, and I want him to be involved and be the father that this child needs. But at the same time, the culture here says that he should be marrying the mom (or at least living with her), and her family is putting pressure on him to do just that. He doesn’t want to, but…

Right now he wants to stay at the home. We had a moment when I wasn’t sure if he was going to be allowed to stay. I know that Miguel, in his heart, wanted to let David stay, but he was worried about what people were going to say, and if the other boys would view this as an okay to get their girlfriends pregnant. I was…passionate, shall we say, on the side that we needed to let David stay at the home (that was the moment I went past the twitchy nose thing and into full emotional blowout). I feel pretty strongly that as the Church, we haven’t always done this well. These guys don’t understand grace at all, and if we kicked David out…what does that say about our love and concern for him and the other guys. If they sin…they’re gone? As well, I think seeing what David is going through will teach the boys more than if he just disappeared and they never saw him again. At any rate, or the moment, David is staying.

Two other guys to pray for quickly, as well. Sergio and Jorge…both are dealing with some pretty difficult situations as well. It’s been encouraging to see them moving forward, but of course with that comes pain and anger…doubt and guilt, as things from the past get brought back up. These guys don’t know how to deal with those emotions very well, so it can be pretty difficult for them. I know their first impulse is to run, but so far none of them have. Please pray for protection and peace and wisdom for all of these guys, as well as for Miguel and Edly and myself.

Once again, the novel has come to an end. I know I need to write a little more often and cut down on the length of these epistles. =) But you know how it is. Life has gotten busier for sure. Right now I’m the only one with a functioning truck, so I’ve been filling in a lot with driving and hauling and such. I don’t mind, but it keeps things hopping!

Really quickly…some good news. I’m coming home to Saskatoon briefly in August. I had the opportunity to speak at a teen camp, and it pretty much paid for my ticket. So I talked to Miguel and Edly and they said I should go for it. So I’ll be arriving Aug. 9 and leaving Aug. 28. The last week I’ll be up at camp, but the rest of the time….I would love to see as many people as I can. Let me know if you want to get together, and we’ll work something out! I wasn’t that homesick or anything…but now I’m getting kind of excited! =)

Thanks for your prayers. I appreciate them and they make a HUGE difference here. Take care and I’ll see at least some of you soon.

Ken